What do we do, that makes the significant people in our lives feel we value them? One way is to make them feel we value what they have to say.  Feeling heard helps people to feel that their emotions are valid. Learning to listen is a vital part of our relationships with others. Can you listen to your partner or children in a way that makes them feel heard and validated? 

Learning is a skill and it’s not an easy skill to learn.  Sometimes we carry on a conversation in our head or out loud while someone else is talking.  Our relationships, whether at home or at work depend upon us being good listeners.  And I’m not talking about just mindlessly nodding your head and saying hmmm ever so often.

Good listening involves focusing solely on the speaker. This means to put away all other distractions, your mobile or PDA, stop trying to cook dinner or shuffle your papers, or what other distraction there may be. Turn and look at the speaker –make eye contact. Become actively involved in listening.  Focus solely on listening.

By looking at the speaker maybe you can learn more about what they are saying.  What is the person not saying to you that you can pick up by their subtle body language? How are they holding themselves, what is the look on their face?

Next time you’re having a conversation with someone listen intently.  Don’t let your email or your cell phone interrupt the conversation. Look at them and see if you can make a better connection with hem as you give them all of your attention.  While you may not see the results immediately you may just be surprised on how this simple change can improve your relationships.

Finding it difficult to connect with your teen? Teen years can be a difficult time to connect with our growing children. Your teen probably wants to spend a fair amount of his or her waking time hanging out with friends or just hanging out in their rooms.  This can be a challenging time to connect with your teen while allowing them the space to explore their identity and independence that comes with growing up. One way to start a conversation with your teen is to ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer.  Ask their opinion and create space that shows you are interested in learning more about what is important to them.  While your teen may not seem to be listening, teens learn a lot from the way we communicate with them and not just the words we use. Here is a link with suggested topics for starting conversations with your teen. http://www.imom.com/tools/build-relationships/conversation-starters-for-teens/