Yours Treasured Relationships

05/01/2012

0 Comments

 
Most relationships function on the same premises whether we are talking about parent-child relationships, sibling relationships, peer relationships or couples.  There is some form of positive reciprocal relationship. Both parties transmit and receive positive messages, meaning, interactions from each other over time.

Loving partners, parents, or people need to demonstrate their love for each other and accept and receive love sent their way. When couples come in for counseling I hear some people talk about not knowing that they are loved or card for or that they don’t feel the need to express their love or appreciation for the other person in the relationship.  "Oh she knows I love her" or "I don't know if she loves me because I don't hear her say that to me".

Sometimes parents are afraid to tell their teens or young adult children that they love them because they did not receive that message themselves from their parents.  “We don't talk about emotions at home.” "They know I love them! After all I pay for their school or activities.”  “ You should know that I love you if you don’t then something is wrong with you."

Yes you do. You do need to express your love and feelings to those you wish to be close to. We all want to know that we are valued and loved.

The number one reason relationships fail is because there is a lack of "love expression". People in healthy relationships express their love and appreciation for one another.  Love can be sent and received in many ways.


Whether you are a parent, a teen , a child, a senior, a lover or an adult, tell someone you care and love them. Love can be sent and received in many ways, from touch, to looks, words, gestures, deeds, tone of voice or service. Find your special way to express your love to the person you love. Ensure you love message is being heard and received. Ask your child, your teen, your parents, your partner 'Do they know that you love them?" See how they receive your message and change it if necessary so they do receive your loving message.
Add Comment
 

Tips for Seeking Forgiveness By Nataxja Cini, MSW RSW CCC

03/14/2012

0 Comments

 
It’s not always easy to admit we’re wrong, when we’re hurt someone we love. As an adult it is important that we show our children how to forgive by demonstrating our asking for forgiveness from other adults and from our children. Here are some simple steps.

1.      Apologize. Genuinely, sincerely and directly. This is not the time to text your message.

2.      Take ownership. Accept full responsibility for your actions and words.

3.      Work to repair the relationship.  Take care to demonstrate that you can be reliable, trustworthy and caring. That your actions were an exception and not how you want to live your life.

4.      Acknowledge that trust may have been broken and feelings may have been hurt. Recognize that it takes time to rebuild trust. The person may not be ready to accept your apology right away and that the hurt may last for some time.  Verbalize your sincere apology and accept that it may take some time before you are forgiven.

5.      Forgive yourself. Realize you are human and you do make mistakes. Do not continue to beat yourself up after you recognize your mistakes.

Add Comment
 

How to Talk to your Children- Free talk by Karen McRae MSW RSW - Jan 26 at 6:30

01/23/2012

0 Comments

 
Parenting your children in today's world can be difficult. In the midst of our busy lives we are confronted with guiding our children through a variety of minefields.  This workshop will focus on developing and improving upon our relationships with our children. Having a supportive, trusting relationship with our kids will benefit them as they continue their journey towards adulthood.  

When:  January 26, 2012 6:30 – 8PM      
Where:  Suite 205, 300 March Road     
Please register online or call to reserve a seat as seating is limited
Add Comment
 

Improve Your Relationships: Tip #6

01/02/2012

0 Comments

 
What do we do, that makes the significant people in our lives feel we value them? One way is to make them feel we value what they have to say.  Feeling heard helps people to feel that their emotions are valid. Learning to listen is a vital part of our relationships with others. Can you listen to your partner or children in a way that makes them feel heard and validated? 

Learning is a skill and it’s not an easy skill to learn.  Sometimes we carry on a conversation in our head or out loud while someone else is talking.  Our relationships, whether at home or at work depend upon us being good listeners.  And I’m not talking about just mindlessly nodding your head and saying hmmm ever so often.

Good listening involves focusing solely on the speaker. This means to put away all other distractions, your mobile or PDA, stop trying to cook dinner or shuffle your papers, or what other distraction there may be. Turn and look at the speaker –make eye contact. Become actively involved in listening.  Focus solely on listening.

By looking at the speaker maybe you can learn more about what they are saying.  What is the person not saying to you that you can pick up by their subtle body language? How are they holding themselves, what is the look on their face?

Next time you’re having a conversation with someone listen intently.  Don’t let your email or your cell phone interrupt the conversation. Look at them and see if you can make a better connection with hem as you give them all of your attention.  While you may not see the results immediately you may just be surprised on how this simple change can improve your relationships.

Add Comment
 

Can I reach for you?

12/28/2011

0 Comments

 
What is more strengthening and healing than being understood and emotionally attached to my love? To pull away from each other can send the wrong message-- that your partner is unacceptable as he or she is or even I'm unacceptable the way I am.  When we withdraw for each other we only cause our partners and ourselves more pain. The distance from each other makes it more difficult to get the reassurance and comfort we need at this time.
It is understandable that we withdraw though. What did we learn in previous love relationships and from our childhood? What messages did you receive as a child about needing to be comforted? Were you told to “grow up” or that “only sissies cry”?
It takes courage and brave heart to be able to turn to our partners or those who have hurt us and express our pain and hurt. After all at this moment of vulnerability we don’t know if they will respond with words of kindness, compassion or understanding.

Compassion and attachment do not lead to going off “to get fixed”. Emotionally Focused Therapy is a way to guide couples and families to connect with their humanity. We all have deep longings, and needs. When we learn the dialogue and how to hear our partners talk about their pain we can listen to their pain without becoming defensive. We can learn to listen and learn something new about our partners and see them differently. Not as someone trying to hurt us but as someone who has their own pain and is trying to protect themselves from hurt by withdrawing.

Emotionally Focused Therapy can teach you how to “reach” for each other when you are in pain. You can heal your pain and connect deeper with others.    
Add Comment
 

Improve Your Relationships! Tip #3

12/07/2011

0 Comments

 
Finding it difficult to connect with your teen? Teen years can be a difficult time to connect with our growing children. Your teen probably wants to spend a fair amount of his or her waking time hanging out with friends or just hanging out in their rooms.  This can be a challenging time to connect with your teen while allowing them the space to explore their identity and independence that comes with growing up. One way to start a conversation with your teen is to ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer.  Ask their opinion and create space that shows you are interested in learning more about what is important to them.  While your teen may not seem to be listening, teens learn a lot from the way we communicate with them and not just the words we use. Here is a link with suggested topics for starting conversations with your teen. http://www.imom.com/tools/build-relationships/conversation-starters-for-teens/

 
Add Comment
 

Marriage and Relationships

10/20/2011

1 Comment

 
Our society has created a lot of myths about adulthood and relationships. These myths are played out everywhere. 
  • "Grow up. Be a man." 
  • "You can handle it. You're an adult."
  • "You're an independent woman. You don't need a partner."

We know that children need close attachment to a parent in order to grow up healthy. Through research over the past 15 years, a tremendous amount has been learned about relationships. Humans are social beings. It turns out that adults need the same kind of attachment that young children do. It is a lifelong need, like food, like oxygen. 

Our couples therapy is based on the science of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Much of this is based on the outstanding work of Dr. Sue Johnson. We see over 75% long term success for couples that embark on an EFT program. These are astounding results. 

Through EFT, you will gain a deep understanding of the negative patterns that exist in your relationship. You will learn to  recognize them, stop them, and create new patterns of connection, empathy and understanding. 
1 Comment