Mon, 21 May 2012 11:08:39 -0800WeeblyMon, 14 May 2012 14:45:35 -0800http://www.family-therapy.ca/1/post/2012/05/did-you-receive-enough-emotional-support.html Just out in the Journal of Clinical Nursing. Some eating disorders may be triggered by lack of support after a challenging or traumatic event. For some young people, events, which most of us think of as exciting or normal can trigger emotional distress.

According to the family life study, eating disorders can be triggered by lack of support following a death in the family, relationship problems, physical or emotional abuse, and sexual assault. Take steps to protect yourself by talking with someone to receive emotional support you need. 

The study showed that young people who developed anorexia or bulimia one of these six the transitional events.

1) School transitions from junior high to high school or the stress of leaving home and going away to college or university

2) Changes in relationships whether the break up with a boyfriend or the end of their parents relationships. Many young women sited their fathers being distant from them and getting involved with another women after the family divorce that led them to an eating disorder.

3) Death of a family member and lack of emotional support following the death

4) Home or job transition. When families move young people across the country or even across the city they lose their social support system. Others youth find it difficult to work with peers they cannot relate to.

5) Hospitalization or severe illness. Discovering you have no control over your health or body led some people to developing anorexia or bulimia

6) Abuse/ sexual assault/incest.   Many women report eating excessive amounts of food to hide their pain or hope to hide behind or in fat bodies in order to escape from being sexualized by others. 
]]>Fri, 11 May 2012 12:52:17 -0800http://www.family-therapy.ca/1/post/2012/05/support-for-you-on-mothers-day.htmlIf you’ve lost your mother or child and Mother’s Day is particularly difficult for you, how would you like your friends to support you this year?
]]>Fri, 11 May 2012 12:30:42 -0800http://www.family-therapy.ca/1/post/2012/05/mothers-day-and-loss.html In case you haven’t noticed Mother’s day is this Sunday. While Sunday morning will be abuzz with kids waking up early to cook Mom breakfast, not all moms will be so fortunate to see  or hear from their children. 
For some, moms,  Mother’s day it is a day of pain, sadness, and loss. Some Mothers have lost their children due to a miscarriage, death, divorce, estrangement or any other reason why they have lost contact with their children.  To those mothers I feel your pain.  It is hard to be happy on a day when you are reminded of your loss.

Here are some simple ways to reach out to a grieving mother on Mother’s day is this Sunday.

1)   Acknowledge that she is still a Mother

2)   Acknowledge her loss

3)   Talk about her child

4)   Share a memory or pictures of her child

5)   Don't minimize her loss

6)   Ask if there is something you could do together on this day or another day to honour her and her loss

7)   Encourage Self-Care


To all the mothers out there whether you will see or be with your children this weekend  Happy Mother's Day.]]>Mon, 07 May 2012 06:49:17 -0800http://www.family-therapy.ca/1/post/2012/05/bipolar-disorder-and-your-child.html Children whose mother or father is affected by bipolar disorder may need to keep their stress levels in check. A new international study, led by Concordia University, suggests the stress hormone cortisol is a key player in the mood disorder. The findings published in Psychological Medicine, are the first to show children whose mother or father is affected by bipolar disorder are more easily affected by stress. When faced with normal everyday stress, their cortisol levels peak sooner.

Research has shown that children of parents with bipolar disorder are four times as likely to develop mood disorders compared to the general population. This may be due to the genetic factors associated with bipolar.


Long-term activation of the stress hormone cortisol can lead to negative health consequences such as; digestive problems, heart disease, sleep issues, depression, memory loss and obesity.   It is important to be aware that your child may experience everyday stress as overwhelming.  Parents can help their children by helping them to learn positive strategies for coping with stress. 

Simple stress management strategies can include:

• Taking more time to help your child transition from one activity to the next
• Keeping your child on a regular schedule
• Eating a healthy diet
• Exercising, playing outdoor games, and being active as a way of reducing stress
• Help your child learn how to relax through deep breathing exercise, yoga, quiet time, blowing bubbles, or other relaxation techniques 
• Getting adequate sleep and creating a sleep friendly bedroom (no TVs in bedrooms)
• Help your child express their emotions both positive and negative emotions and validate their emotional experiences
• Seek professional psychotherapy when needed

]]>Wed, 02 May 2012 05:51:07 -0800http://www.family-therapy.ca/1/post/2012/05/are-you-sabotaging-your-relationships.html Are you pushing people away from you? Do you sometimes wonder why no one wants to spend time with you? Why the lunch room clears out when you show up?

Relationships need to be nourished. Just like a garden needs water to grow. Our relationships need to be nourished  with positive thoughts, words, and actions. While many people think of relationships as romantic relationships , relationships encompass parent-child relationships, sibling relationships, peer relationships or couples. 

The number two reason relationships fail is because there are too many anti love messages being sent and received. Too often we become critical or resentful of others. This happens when are needs are not being met and when we are unable to express what we need from others.

This happens especially when the other person has stepped on our toes and hurt of feelings.  At times it can be difficult to be open and honest when we fear retaliation, hostility or criticism.  When we feel there is a lack of understanding, we retreat into our hurt and become silent. Then when the pain is too much to bear we may lash out at each other in pain and anger.

John Gottman's research shows “lasting relationships need to have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions in order to last. His team predicted with amazing accuracy which couples would last and who would separate after listening to them interact for 15 minutes. It is difficult to risk opening up and feeling vulnerable to someone who you feel they will respond with criticism or they will discount your feelings. When we fear not being heard we retreat from the relationships. We may even avoid expressing our true needs and turn to others who are more understanding of your needs.  Too many negative comments drive you away from each other and contribute to creating a negative cycle between you.    
]]>Tue, 01 May 2012 06:10:54 -0800http://www.family-therapy.ca/1/post/2012/05/yours-treasured-relationships.html Most relationships function on the same premises whether we are talking about parent-child relationships, sibling relationships, peer relationships or couples.  There is some form of positive reciprocal relationship. Both parties transmit and receive positive messages, meaning, interactions from each other over time.

Loving partners, parents, or people need to demonstrate their love for each other and accept and receive love sent their way. When couples come in for counseling I hear some people talk about not knowing that they are loved or card for or that they don’t feel the need to express their love or appreciation for the other person in the relationship.  "Oh she knows I love her" or "I don't know if she loves me because I don't hear her say that to me".

Sometimes parents are afraid to tell their teens or young adult children that they love them because they did not receive that message themselves from their parents.  “We don't talk about emotions at home.” "They know I love them! After all I pay for their school or activities.”  “ You should know that I love you if you don’t then something is wrong with you."

Yes you do. You do need to express your love and feelings to those you wish to be close to. We all want to know that we are valued and loved.

The number one reason relationships fail is because there is a lack of "love expression". People in healthy relationships express their love and appreciation for one another.  Love can be sent and received in many ways.


Whether you are a parent, a teen , a child, a senior, a lover or an adult, tell someone you care and love them. Love can be sent and received in many ways, from touch, to looks, words, gestures, deeds, tone of voice or service. Find your special way to express your love to the person you love. Ensure you love message is being heard and received. Ask your child, your teen, your parents, your partner 'Do they know that you love them?" See how they receive your message and change it if necessary so they do receive your loving message.]]>Mon, 30 Apr 2012 12:21:33 -0800http://www.family-therapy.ca/1/post/2012/04/on-love-by-thomas-kempis.htmlLove is a mighty power,
a great and complete good.
Love alone lightens every burden, and makes rough places smooth.
It bears every hardship as though it were nothing, and renders
all bitterness sweet and acceptable.

Nothing is sweeter than love,
Nothing stronger,
Nothing higher,
Nothing wider,
Nothing more pleasant,
Nothing fuller or better in heaven or earth; for love is born of God.

Love flies, runs and leaps for joy.
It is free and unrestrained.
Love knows no limits, but ardently transcends all bounds.
Love feels no burden, takes no account of toil,
attempts things beyond its strength.

Love sees nothing as impossible,
for it feels able to achieve all things.
It is strange and effective,
while those who lack love faint and fail.

Love is not fickle and sentimental,
nor is it intent on vanities.
Like a living flame and a burning torch,
it surges upward and surely surmounts every obstacle.
]]>Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:51:45 -0800http://www.family-therapy.ca/1/post/2012/04/disordered-sleep-dementia-and-seniors-in-canada.htmlIn the next 20 years, over one million Canadians are expected to have some form of dementia. Research shows that many of those people will also experience significant sleep disruption. Disordered sleep (DS) in persons with dementia is one of the most common reasons for institutionalization.  Disordered sleep  has significant effects on cognition, falls, agitation, self-care, overall health and quality of life for seniors. Unfortunately there is a prevalent belief that both disordered sleep and dementia are part of the aging process. While we may see a prevalence of disordered sleep and dementia in seniors neither way is a normal part of the aging process. 73% of seniors who were awake during the night were sleepy or "napping" during the day showing they need to sleep. Seniors who experience sleep disruption are more likely to see an increase in their lack of mobility and an increase use of prescription of over the counter medications. Seniors who don't sleep at night are at risk of depression. 60 % of sleep deprived  seniors suffer from depression. 
If you are a senior or you know of a senior who suffers from nightly sleep disruption encourage them to see their health are provider and discuss this important issue.  Disordered sleep is not part of the normal aging process. 
 ]]>Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:37:40 -0800http://www.family-therapy.ca/1/post/2012/04/are-you-fearful.htmlDon't waste your life in doubts and fears: spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours or ages that follow it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1803-1882
]]>Wed, 18 Apr 2012 10:22:07 -0800http://www.family-therapy.ca/1/post/2012/04/-relationship-satisfaction-and-emotional-connectedness.htmlSurprisingly, researchers find, women report higher relationship satisfaction when they could read their partners’ anger or frustration than when they could identify their happiness. No, it’s not that women revel in their significant others’ distress; rather, it’s that women prefer negative emotions to withdrawal or silence.
"For women, seeing their husband or boyfriend upset is a reflection of their partner’s emotional engagement. When women see their male partners sharing their negative emotions, they see it as a sign of connection, openness and communication. Women don’t like it when men distance themselves during conflict,” states Dr. Shiri Cohen of Harvard Medical School.

The lesson for today: Guys don't leave when the going gets tough.  Your wife would sooner have you express your frustration and anger i a respectful way, then have you leave the conversation and not talk to her for days. It's OK to express negative emotions. Women still don't like the yelling and screaming but women would sooner know that you are upset instead of hiding in your man cave away from them. ]]>